A Birth Story.

I have to laugh at how I thought I may be able to "plan" my fifth child's birth. I expected this baby to make an appearance just as her three sisters and one brother did, between 36 weeks 6 days and 37 weeks 2 days.  

One of my sister friends, Christine,  flew across country, leaving behind two of her sons, her husband and bringing her beautifully perfect six month old son.  With plans to have her be my labor support for my first home birth, I went into her 12 days here fully expecting to birth a baby before she left.  Because we can plan these things, right?  She left January 18th and I was so very overwhelmed emotionally to know she wasn't going to be here to witness this baby enter the world, carrying her first name as a middle.

I still had the other people I knew I would have present, all waiting in the wings for a call to bring them to my side.  The people I knew I couldn't birth without.  My best friend, Beth.  My sister, Jamie.  One of my oldest friends, Nicole.  My beautifully talented friend, Karrie, who I've only known two years but can't imagine life without just as those mentioned above, who was going to take our birth photos.

I had been having prodromal labor and felt let down over the previous two weeks when a baby wasn't at the end of "the pain."  I finally just started repeating "I trust my body, I trust my baby."  Every single time I felt frustrated.  I also thought of my beautiful identical twin nieces and reminded myself that Beth carried those babies to 36 weeks.  Certainly I could carry mine until she chose her birth day.  

On the evening of January 20, I started emptying my bowels.  All night, every couple of hours into the 21st, I had to use the restroom.  That morning, we decided to take the kids hiking at the State Park near our home.  I didn't last long with my bowels churning and the exhaustion I was feeling.  I walked back to the car while Nate continued on with our three youngest.  Our oldest chose to come with me because she didn't want me all alone.

That evening I text Karrie and told her I felt "different."  I was having some consistent, 7-minute-apart contractions.  They felt lower, deeper in my belly, but I wasn't too worried.  Nate and I had a good evening, we laughed and snuggled.  When we went to bed I just wanted to be with my husband, because I knew it would be a while after the baby was born.  I wanted to take advantage of any quality time I could.

I fell asleep about 12:30 AM on the 22nd, only to waken at 2 AM.  Uncomfortable and antsy, I finally gave up on lying in bed and took a bath.  I had just bought some fabulous new Bath and Body Works and the smell of eucalyptus and spearmint washed over me and made me calm.  I talked to my belly and played my baby "her" song; "I Get to be the One" by JJ Heller.  I told her I was sorry I was feeling so frustrated but I was happy to let her come when she was ready.

I couldn't sleep.  Since every other labor had started at 2 AM I should have known my body was sending me a signal.  I had so much energy on no sleep.  After a second round in the tub I got back in bed.  I asked Nate to please rub my back to help me sleep.  He groggily obliged for about 30 seconds and then drifted in and out.  

I finally managed to drift off about 6:30 and slept until 7:10 when our youngest, Lainey, plowed into my room to give me a kiss and hand me her stuffed dog to cuddle.  I kind of drifted in and out for ten minutes before getting up.  

The "middle" kids had dressed themselves for school so I started to get breakfast going.  I was suddenly hit with a strong wave of nausea and urgent need for the restroom.  I woke Nate up to fix the kids lunches, woke our 13 year old, Sarah, to get ready for school and proceeded to empty my bowels and stomach.

When I went to wipe I realized I was bleeding.  Bloody mucous and the stomach issues said "maybe baby" to me.  I had been texting Christine already, telling her what was going on.  I decided, with Nate's prompting, to call my midwife, Lucinda, at about 7:50.  I told her I wasn't really having contractions and that I just felt this might be starting.  I asked her to come do a check up on me since I have a history of precipitous labors.   She was getting her kids off to school and said she would pick up her apprentice, Brooke, and be here as soon as she could.  I was due for my next prenatal and we weren't scheduling them out because we never expected I would go this far.

I went to load the kids in the car to go to school.  Sarah saw what was happening and chose to stay home for the day.  My neighbor, Nicole, took one look at me and offered to take our son, Liam, and drop him off while I took our third, Ava Beth, to preschool.

While driving the mile and a half to preschool I started having deep contractions about 3 minutes apart.   Sarah noticed the contractions and how I needed to breathe and move my hips in my seat.  She watched me like a hawk and calmly told me to let her know if I needed anything.  At thirteen, she really is a pillar of strength for me!   I called the school and told them it looked like I was in labor and asked to drop Ava Beth off ten minutes early. They were happy to oblige.

On the way there and home, I called Beth, Jamie and Shannon to put them on alert.  I think Jamie wanted me to get her out of her boot camp workout and was really hoping this was going to be the real deal.  I got home at about 8:15 and just KNEW.  I text the rest of my immediate birth team: Ashley and Lindsey.  I called my Nicole.  Within fifteen minutes I felt my water break.

I have never had my water break until a baby was imminent.  When I text my midwife she drove straight here without any gear because she thought I may go really fast.  Brooke drove herself while Lucinda's husband, Nathan, brought all of her gear since she didn't stop at home first.  (I later found out that Nathan's arrival was rather hilarious and he acted more like the Dad to be, showing up in slippers and a panic about getting Lucinda her supplies.  He even flung his arms around my husband and congratulated him!)

Lucinda got here and set up the supplies I already had at my house.  Being used to hospital births, I dropped trou and hopped on my bed.  After lying there for about ten minutes I asked if she was going to check me so I could get comfortable on my ball.  "You're having a baby!  What more do we need to know?"  This was going to be grand!

We started filling my birth pool as people started rolling in to the house. First Karrie, then Nicole, with my good friend, Lindsey, not far behind.  I decided I wanted to walk to move the contractions a bit deeper and harder.  So we started up the street as my sister pulled up.  Everything was falling into place.  

After some laughs and a walk we made our way home so I could get in the pool.  We were continuing to fill the pool so I leaned over my birth ball and Jamie massaged oil in to my back.   When the pool was full, I climbed in, welcoming the warm water.  I instantly knew that my dream and desire to be in water since birthing my first child was exactly what my body needed.  Soon Beth was here and it felt so right.  I couldn't imagine birthing one of my babies without her.   My "sisters" all supporting me, all anticipating this amazing event.  

I called Lainey into the pool with me and enjoyed the time with her as she was about to lose her youngest child status.  We never checked the water temperature but Lainey was rosy and hot when she asked to get out.  I was hot but I have an unusually high tolerance and a need to bathe in HOT water.  Apparently my baby did not.  When we checked the water it was 104.  Far warmer than it should be, and baby's heart rate had jumped to over 200.  

Lucinda started pouring water down my throat and pulled me out of the pool.  She had people start bailing water so we could add cold.  I could tell she was worried as minute after minute passed with the baby's heart rate staying the same.  I needed everyone out so I asked them all to leave my room.  I went to the shower and turned on the cold water.  I knew this was going to be very rough.  I was contracting every 3 minutes and the cold made each contraction nearly unbearable.  I wanted to cry, turn the water away and beg it to stop.  

Instead, my amazing husband stepped up, let me wrap my arms around him and hang during each contraction.  He sprayed the icy water on me while we were forehead to forehead and told me I was doing great.  I was doing this, I was doing what my body was intended to do and he was so proud of me.  I remember kissing him and knowing that I was going to make it through the rest of this labor because he gave me that strength.

It took 30-40 minutes for her heart rate to drop and I remember looking at Brooke and asking her if I was going to have to transfer.  She instantly calmed me by saying we were not there yet and to keep drinking water.  I drank about 10 bottles, as well as some Gatorade.  Little did I know how close to transfer we were.  Lucinda kept calm and kept me focused, without her strength and ability to trust a woman's body, I fear I may have spiraled a bit.

When the baby's heart rate was sufficiently lowered, I got out and leaned over my ball.  As soon as it dropped down to normal Lucinda said the magic words and told me I could get back in the pool.  Again...heaven.  I'll never be able to express how truly amazing the water was to my body.  I would go limp and let my arms and body float between contractions.  At this point I was only 4 cm dilated.

I kept feeling the need to bear down but not exactly push.  I was trying to listen to my body but was nervous I was doing something "wrong."  Following my instincts was a battle I was waging in my head.  I had always fought to follow them at the hospital but allowed my fear of not "doing what was best and listening to the staff" take over the natural birthing process.  I had to keep saying in my head, "I trust my body, I trust my baby."

I didn't ask anyone to come back in, wanting to block out noise outside my room and be alone with Nate, Lucinda and Brooke.  Karrie stayed to take photos and she was a very calming presence, not intrusive in any way.  It was perfect.  Everyone spoke in a quiet voice, staying still and allowing me space to work through my contractions.  It was so peaceful and very charging for me, even with my labor sounds.  I continued to bear down as I felt the need.  I felt as though I was going to have a bowel movement. Lucinda said to go ahead, they had a net.  I knew it would be diarrhea so I reluctantly gave up the comfort of the water for the restroom.  It was excruciating to have to sit on that cold hard porcelain.  Everything intensified and the contractions came on top of each other.  When I finally made my way back to the pool, each step brought immense joy.  Three steps, two, one...AHHH.

I went in a cycle.  Relaxing in the pool, growling or bearing down during a contraction, getting out to use the restroom while continuing to empty my bowels and then silence.  I'm vocal in labor.  I'm okay with that.  It took this birth for me to understand that I was doing what felt right for me, and I didn't need ANYONE to tell me what to do or how to control my birthing experience.  I didn't need the guidance or the help.  I was doing this on my own.

When I really started feeling the pushy need, I asked Lucinda to check me.  Was it necessary?  Probably not.  But I didn't want to cause myself to swell unnecessarily.  I don't think she wanted to give me numbers because she was worried I would be discouraged.  I, however, need to hear those numbers.  I was 6 cm.  I knew for ME, that meant a baby would be here very soon.  I texted Beth in the other room and let her know I was 6 cm, -2 station and bearing down when I needed.  I also texted Shannon and Christine the same.  This was at 1:01 PM.  

Shortly after that I had Karrie get Christine on FaceTime for me.  As soon as we connected I started having an intense contraction and passed my phone to Karrie.  After it ebbed, I took the phone.  I remember just keeping my eyes shut and wanting to tell Christine I knew I was close.  I was so proud of how I was handling everything and even more proud that I was doing it with my husband.  Normally it's Beth, ONLY Beth, who can keep me focused.  I had Christine on FaceTime for a few short minutes before another contraction started and I quickly hung up, needing to focus totally on the task at hand.

I was watching the clock, taking in the sound of the fan and looking at the faces of the few people in my room.  I came out of my world when I heard Brooke discussing her schooling and briefly joined the conversation before going back within myself.  During this time, I kept running my fingers across the three beads of a necklace Lindsey got for me.  It was so calming.  Each contraction intensified and each bearing down turned into a louder growl and a harder push.  I was getting so much closer to the end.  

A few times, I pushed my fingers inside, feeling to see if baby was moving down.  During one contraction, I opened my eyes and saw Lucinda peering over the edge of the pool. I heard her say something about "the head being visible" and I reached down and was shocked to feel the tiniest spot of her head moving within the birth canal.  I immediately told Nate to get everyone back in the room and to get Shannon connected and then FaceTime Christine!  

I couldn't believe this was happening. It was almost surreal.  I tried to picture these moments in my head over the course of my pregnancy and yet every time I did...they were never as amazing as now.  The present, in the presence of my family, the friends that make my family and knowing that I was FINALLY in the place I belonged.  My home, my bedroom, the room our child was conceived in with love would also be the room she was birthed into with love.  It was so...meant to be. PERFECT.

Next thing I know, my sister comes running in my room naked!  Apparantly she decided to take a quick shower and was pulled out because the baby was coming.  She was in excited panic mode, throwing towels and clothes every which way, trying to get dressed!  I wish I had the presence of mind to laugh then but I giggle whenever I think about it now!

Everyone was in the room and I told everyone I needed silence.  Lainey was talking but it didn't bother me.  I just didn't want her scared.  She was on the edge of the bed, watching as I pushed, as I roared with each wave.  I kept reaching down, feeling my baby's head as I pushed and between contractions.  I had so much pressure.  Lucinda reminded me I could change positions so I tried to get on my knees.  Within three seconds of the next contraction I flung myself back and knew I would only be comfortable sitting up, supporting my body with my arms.

The pushing phase lasted a lot longer than I expected, though it was never too much.  I just pushed as I felt the need, however long or hard I desired.  As our baby started crowning, I was holding her head.  Lainey started yelling "Eww!  Eww, gross!"  I wanted to laugh but I said "get her out!"  Lucinda thought I meant the baby so she stepped closer to the pool until I said "No, Lainey!  I don't want her scared!"  Nate scooped her up and then she was fine.

I started pushing again with the next contraction.  I could feel her head coming out and then going back up as the contraction ended.  I thought to myself that I just couldn't allow that!  So I kept pushing.  Lucinda told me to reach down if I wanted to catch my baby but at that moment I needed to support myself so I asked her to be there.  I pushed as hard as I could and this baby kept trying to go back up.  I finally got her head out and was taking a breath before pushing out her shoulders.  I looked down at my baby and said, "Come on baby, we can do this!"

It only took another two or three pushes and I got her shoulders out.  Instead of flying out, I leaned forward and with Lucinda's guidance, I pulled my baby out from my body and brought her up to my chest.  She was covered in thick, white vernix.  She was also VERY purple.  From that moment, Lainey went from thinking that the bloody head coming out was gross to crying out "My baby!  My baby! She's so cute!"

The plan had been to leave her under water for photos but because of her coloring, likely from crowning for so long, we brought her up quickly.  It took about a minute and some very gentle suctioning before she took her first breath.  She started pinking up rather quickly from that point.

I looked at my husband and said, "We did it!"  I just couldn't believe that after everything, we had birthed a child at home.  I tried to look between baby's legs but the cord was rather short so I pointed the goods towards everyone in the room and they confirmed it was a little girl.  We now have four daughters and one son.  

I glanced over and realized Ashley had arrived and she had made it in time to see the birth!  Our baby just wanted the whole labor team present before making her entrance!

I started contracting and trying to deliver the placenta quickly.  After about ten minutes I needed to have the baby's cord cut so I could expel the placenta.  I felt as though the cord was too short and I couldn't get my bearings right to push while holding our new daughter.  Sarah cut the cord (which had stopped pulsing) and I whispered, "You're on your own now, baby!  Christine isn't here to tell you so I will!"  I passed her off to Nate and within a couple minutes, delivered the placenta.

I got out of the pool, showered quickly and climbed in bed to hold our daughter.  I nursed her and inspected her.  All while feeling so healed and proud of myself.  Lucinda did her check up right next to me and it was so nice getting to hold our daughter or have her in my lap for all of this.  We weighed and measured her, all the while surrounded by a room full of people who just witnessed our fifth child enter this world.

It took us a day and a half but we ended up naming our daughter Amelia James Christine.  Her first name, Amelia James, is significant because James is after my sister, Jamie.  Baby's middle name, Christine, is taken from our dear Christine.

She was born at 1:42 PM on January 22nd after less than six hours of labor.  She weighed 7 lbs 8 oz and measured 21 inches.  My largest girl by nearly a pound and my second largest baby.  

For the first time, I fully trusted my body and my baby to birth as they were supposed to birth.  Not once did I feel as though I couldn't handle labor and not once did I ask for an epidural or pain medicine.  It was the most amazing experience of my life and I am so blessed to have had so many people I love support us during the pregnancy and birth.  Amelia James is so calm and such a peaceful baby.  I truly believe that is because I let her and my body birth in their own time without any interventions.  

I am so amazed at what our bodies were made to do.  How they function.  I am so amazed that I have such a perfect, healthy child.  I am so very much in love and I can't wait to someday read this story to my daughter.  To tell her all about the journey we traveled together on a cold January day.  I really couldn't plan this birth and I do laugh at how I thought it would come on my time, instead of my daughter's own perfect timing.